Silence is not disengagement

We are all different. Personalities, preferences for work, and how we engage the world. Personally I really like writing, it makes me feel… good, fulfilled, relaxed? I don’t know how to describe it. A word-salad would not be enough to convey it.

Someone who always preferred a single way of communication, will be more adept, experienced and overall more efficient using that way. Work environments are complex though, people of all different ways need to work together. This can be achieved by understanding other’s preferences, learning to be adept, at least competent in other forms of communication.

Like talking, presenting, listening to others. Picking up small differences so you can understand their point better. And you can convey yours better in the same way.

We can’t really listen and prepare what we will say at the same time, in parallel. We either do one, or the another. Especially in complex topics, like a scaled up software with hundreds of components, tens of thousands of lines of code and quick questions like, how long it will take to add this little feature we thought of ten seconds ago.

I personally like these challenges, it really tests your understanding and quick thinking on your feet. Or questions like what was good or need fixing from the last month? The usual retro questions.

If you put up a question like this as a leader and the team, or the crucial members you expect input from are silent, it does not mean they are disengaged. They may just prefer to think before speak. As a leader, you could send in advance the question, so your team has mental time to prepare.

If you found yourself being so silent in meetings that your leaders always think, you are disengaged, bored or doesn’t care, you can tweak slightly your approach. I always ask for an agenda beforehand and take time to put down written notes, bullet points I want to bring up, ask, etc. In short, prepare.

Above works really well if we have an established working relationship. Much harder on first time though. A basic advice from a great leader I had helped me to break through this: introduce yourself and respectfully state how you operate. Essentially manage expectations. It is already an engagement in itself.

Sometimes it may work too well and I come across overeager. How do you cope with silence in the meeting rooms?